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[Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 @ 10:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Bridge to Terabithia |
] |
I like marks.
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[Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 @ 10:06pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
] |
Relapse
These thoughts I'm starting to think
And again, I'm beginning to sink
Into that self-destructive place
Every moment my mind starts to race
There hasn't been a moment's peace
Where my head has been at ease
Destructive, socially inept
Feeling like there's nothing left
Trapped again in a dark void
Trying my best to avoid
Stumbling, nowhere to go
Pushing emotion far below
Making attempts to share
Doing what I can to know they care
It's just that, no matter what I do
I'll always feel I have me, not you.
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[Monday, August 13th, 2007 @ 11:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sorceror Hunters DVD |
] |
Falling
So much to hide
Hurt inside
So much to show
Nowhere to go
Knowledge none
Mind on the run
Flowing down
Always a frown
Full of shame
Nothing to gain
Hold in pain
Try to refrain
Hear the call
Can't stop the fall
Losing pace
Feel disgraced.
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[Monday, August 13th, 2007 @ 12:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sorceror Hunters DVD |
] |
I... didn't even know I still had the password to this.
I'm so lost lately... I guess I just need a place to vent on.
I love how life is a rollercoaster.
I think I thought I loved the wrong person.
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[Monday, December 4th, 2006 @ 8:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Offspring "Kids Aren't Alright" |
] |
Been a long time since I wrote here.
Guess I'm just stopping in to say hi.
I'm in school to be a radiographer.. it's been rough.
Lots of changes.
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[Saturday, November 5th, 2005 @ 1:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
I never felt so bad
This hurt and pain I feel
It makes me everyday
Want to leave this world.
The feeling of being crushed
Under the weight of sorrow
The ongoing destitution
The mental destruction
Homeless, unwanted
Heartless beings
Searching for a place
To find my heart's solace
Damned to search
To find my potential
Carried off in isolation
My heart is alone.
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[Thursday, November 3rd, 2005 @ 8:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Trigun |
] |
(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
[Repeat Chorus]
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today
[Repeat Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong
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| Happy Halloween |
[Monday, October 31st, 2005 @ 8:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
Okay, so I just finished watching Neon Genesis Evangelion last night for the first time.
And this anime is bugging the fuck out of me.
In no way, shape or form, do I think that this anime deserves to be called one of the best out there. It just goes from a regular anime into this gibberishly, cryptic nonsense. Everything starts being thrown out from left field, and it leaves you with a sense of "What the hell just happened?"
The End of Evangelion was just as bad. It made as little sense as the end of the series. I have not slept, nor can I stop thinking about the end of this anime. Maybe that's what they intend, so that you will watch the anime again, and put the pieces together and go "Oh!" and then all is well with the world.
I can't see it like that, though. Now I'm an intelligent person, but it took my boyfriend to explain what was going on (he being in love with the series), and I still didn't see where some of this was in the series.
Either way, this is going to be on my mind for quite awhile... and I just felt I had to share.
Kthxbye.
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[Thursday, July 28th, 2005 @ 7:14pm] |
Okay, so I'm in California for the next two weeks.
It's been good so far... well, with some bad things...
I was getting ready to go to the airport yesterday morning. Just as we were about to leave, Lady was making funny noises. So we got her some water, and then we made her lay down. I said to my mom "She better not die while I'm on vacation."
My mom dropped me off from the airport, and a while later I get a phone call from my mother. Lady died. She was found in the kitchen, with vomit all around her. I cried the whole way to Cali.
Other than that the vacation's been good.
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[Sunday, May 29th, 2005 @ 5:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
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[Saturday, May 28th, 2005 @ 4:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Slayers |
] |
 Your bra is a NOVELTY bra!Never one to go for the boring conventional approach, always in for something off the beaten track.....you are Novelty Bra! Always full of jokes (and hand buzzers), you are a bra filled with mirth and other good things. Your cups, for example, might be attached with spring cords from your shoulders, delighting innocent bystanders as you walk by. You love getting attention and if you don't get enough, you whip out your barely covered by glittery butterfly nipples - and do a little dance. What Kind of Bra Are You?More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva |
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[Saturday, May 28th, 2005 @ 2:27am] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
] |
I am so pissed off right now.
You think you have friends... and then you find out a movie is more important.
Needless to say, I didn't get to see Steamboy. On the way there, since everyone was practically running to theater, since we were late, I ended up not able to breathe. My chest hurt, and I felt dizzy, and my feet hurt because I was wearing flip-flops since no one let me find my socks (which I discovered one in my purse at the train station). So when I got to the theater, finally, I said, "Fuck you all, thanks for not waiting, and I can't breathe so I'm going home." Did any one of them come out to see if I was alright? No, not one. They all ran to their god damn movie and left me behind, including my brother. The only one that stayed with me was Andrew. I ended up not even being able to make it to a train station, and had to take a cab to the ferry. Sitting down relaxing while waiting for the ferry helped, which was good, because I was afraid I wasn't even going to be able to drive back to my house from the ferry.
My chest still hurts by my right lung, I'm going to try to sleep it off. This weekend, I'm going to Chinatown and buying Steamboy on DVD. Fuck the theater, I'm not going to the city like that ever again. And if I do, I'm wearing my fucking sneakers, and taking my fucking time. They're lucky I didn't collapse in the middle of the street. I am hurt, because I feel all they thought was that I was pulling some drama shit, and you know, I COULD HAVE FUCKING DIED. I swear, I was ready to have Andrew call an ambulance I felt so shitty. I was breathing heavy and holding my chest. It's not like any one of them noticed, since they were all two blocks ahead... and when I finally made it to the theater, all I got was Matt Karrin frantically waving to us to get inside before he ran in without waiting anyway.
If you think I'm going to the theater to see Steamboy, you are sorely mistaken. I can watch it in my room WITHOUT getting chest pains.
So yeah, my night was pretty much a trip to the city, to walk to a theater, to go right back home without doing anything. Aside from this bullshit, my day was fantastic. I had a wonderful time with Donna. I cleaned my room, I got my paycheck and put it in the bank. I felt accomplished. Donna and I worked out to DDR and did our routine. And then we played Scrabble and role-played online a little bit.
Maybe I'll convince Andrew to go to the Dim Sum place. Maybe Valerie could come with us. She owes me a trip to the city.
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[Friday, May 27th, 2005 @ 8:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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John Williams "Anakin's Theme" |
] |
| You Were Actually Born Under: |  You are quick witted, charming, and bring luck to all who know you.
A bit greedy, you tend to go after what you want - with success.
Clever, you seek out knowledge... and eventually use what you know to your advantage.
You are very loyal, and you treat your real friends like they are family.
You are most compatible with a Dragon or Monkey. | | You Should Have Been Born Under: | 
Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away.
You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others.
You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships.
Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations.
You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit. |
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[Wednesday, May 25th, 2005 @ 10:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Soul Hooligan "Algebra" |
] |
I've lost 7 pounds already. I'm proud of myself.
I started working out with Donna today. We're doing our own set of workouts, and we're using DDR as our cardio. This plus my diet will help me to lose the 30 pounds I plan on losing.
I discovered today that I don't have work for a week. Tomorrow my office is closed due to Marie being on vacation. My normal days off are Friday and Saturday. Sunday and Monday are closed for Memorial Day. And Tuesday is my physical therapy. So I won't be back to work until next Wednesday.
Speaking of physical therapy, yesterday was my first day. It was weird, I felt like I was kind of playing DDR. You stand on a mat and working with crosshairs. I don't know... if this is all my therapy is, I probably could have fixed the problem myself. And the therapy isn't even a 100% guarantee that I'll get better.
I also came across the conclusion that I have bad knees tonight. While doing lunges and squats my knees almost gave out. I think it's due to the many skateboard hits they received while I was learning how to skateboard.
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[Tuesday, May 24th, 2005 @ 8:29pm] |
Your Dominant Thinking Style: | Visioning
You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights.
You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details.
An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path.
You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum. | Your Secondary Thinking Style: | Exploring
You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name.
You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs.
An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles.
You show people how to question their models of the world. |
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[Friday, May 20th, 2005 @ 5:27pm] |
Your Extroversion Profile: | | Excitement Seeking: High | | Activity Level: Medium |
| Assertiveness: Medium | | Friendliness: Low | | Sociability: Low | | Cheerfulness: Very Low |
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dragunsbayne's journal
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