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November 2010



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Nov. 14th, 2010



Listing along aimlessly
Trying to find a direction
Heart hurting, not helping
in knowing where to go.

Words from all sides
Steering me one way or another
But I end up driving drunk
An erratic mess on the road

Swerving to avoid the obstacles
But I know I'm going to crash
When and where lies a mystery
But it'll fucking hurt

I keep on truckin' alone
Unable to bear the responsibility
Of taking down others with me
Even though I know that's what'll happen

No one comes out alive
In the road that is my mind
It's a dangerous, winding road
One best traversed with care.

Apr. 27th, 2010


Coffee Table

Paper stars and hearts
Decisions made by day
Prolonging the depart
Searching for a way

Still following the path
My fate laid for me
Living through the past
Unlocking with the key

The long desired course
The truth comes to pass
Nothing could be worse
If you let it last

The light shines ahead
The darkness left behind
Many tears will shed
Of many different kinds.

Apr. 16th, 2010


A new poem I wrote.

Circles and circles
Tightly wound
Trapped enslavement
Tightly bound

Stoke the fire
Pave the way
Hiding passion
Run away

Cold and empty
Heart of pain
Crying inward
Tear stained

Embracing cold
Pillows held
Marks of wear
Bloody bed

Sweet remorse
Under masks
Bitter hearts
Daunting tasks

Pairs of eyes
Crossroad track
Glittered cracks.

Apr. 14th, 2010


Nine Inch Nails "Closer"

You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you

Help me; I broke apart my insides
Help me; i've got no soul to sell
Help me; the only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed

You get me closer to God
You can have my isolation; you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith; you can have my everything

Help me tear down my reason
Help me; it's your sex I can smell
Help me; you make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed

You get me closer to God
Through every forest, above the trees
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
You are the reason I stay alive

Mar. 27th, 2010


Just a general update.

So, I got good news today. The costume I thought I wasn't going to come in on time for my trip to Anime Boston... well, it actually came in today.

After all the shit I went through trying to figure out what was going on with these people, I'm glad they finally sent it. So now I actually get to be Kyoya Ohtori from Ouran High School Host Club, instead of resigning myself to Riku from Kingdom Hearts II. This makes me a very happy person. It even knocked my ass out of the remains of the severe depression I've been feeling all week.

I'm glad the depression went away before Boston. It would have been absolutely terrible if I had to deal with that deep of a depression while trying to be social and cosplay. I mean, it might have worked for Kanda, but he's the only character that could pull off that sort of seriousness.

So, the final costume count is Vexen (Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories), Rufus Shinra (Final Fantasy: Advent Children version), Yu Kanda (D. Gray-man), and Kyoya Ohtori (Ouran High School Host Club).

After Boston, all work is going to be going towards trying to go to Yaoi-con in San Francisco in October. *Crosses fingers* I luckily don't have to worry for my plane ticket, but I still need to buy con tickets and pay rental car fees. I'm crossing my fingers for that.

Mar. 24th, 2010


(no subject)

Useless... useless... useless... useless... useless...

I feel just... utterly damn useless these days.

I feel like nothing I do with my life is going to change anything. I fuck up friendships, I cause problems, I hurt people.

It's not like it's intentional... I don't even know what I do...

I'm sick of people always worrying about me.

I just can't succeed, no matter what I do.

Sep. 4th, 2007


(no subject)

I like marks.

Aug. 14th, 2007


(no subject)

These thoughts I'm starting to think
And again, I'm beginning to sink
Into that self-destructive place
Every moment my mind starts to race

There hasn't been a moment's peace
Where my head has been at ease
Destructive, socially inept
Feeling like there's nothing left

Trapped again in a dark void
Trying my best to avoid
Stumbling, nowhere to go
Pushing emotion far below

Making attempts to share
Doing what I can to know they care
It's just that, no matter what I do
I'll always feel I have me, not you.

Aug. 13th, 2007


(no subject)

So much to hide
Hurt inside
So much to show
Nowhere to go

Knowledge none
Mind on the run
Flowing down
Always a frown

Full of shame
Nothing to gain
Hold in pain
Try to refrain

Hear the call
Can't stop the fall
Losing pace
Feel disgraced.

(no subject)

I... didn't even know I still had the password to this.

I'm so lost lately... I guess I just need a place to vent on.

I love how life is a rollercoaster.

I think I thought I loved the wrong person.

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